Birdwatching for creationists

By Matt Young

I question that there is a mexican [sic] gray wolf. Subspecies don’t exist. Its [sic] just a wolf. It breeds and would with any wolf anywhere. Any slight difference in colour of fur etc is ireelevant [sic]. I’m sure the shades of this mexican [sic] are as varied as every mountain. In facxt [sic] its [sic] of a kind. This creationist says the dog kink [sic] is the smae [sic] as the bear kind and the seal kind and probably more. Its [sic] a cute doggy. Its [sic] immigrated but hopefully it assimilates and doesn’t ask for interference on its behalf to the loss of American wolves. Hopefully howls in the same way and doesn’t hyphenate its identity. Be a team member and not another team on the bench. – Robert Byers

Sic, sic, sic. I am always amazed when a so-called expert birdwatcher sees a flash go by and announces, “Oh look! That was a boreal chickadee [or a rosy-breasted pushover or whatever]!” That man claims to have 418 life ticks. According to Robert Byers, he is wasting his time: There is no such thing as a species; in fact there are only kinds. Without claiming anywhere near 418 ticks, I have amassed an almost complete portfolio of ticks – I have seen at least one bird of nearly every kind. Herewith a list of kinds of birds:

Sparrow kind, including chickadees, nuthatches, finches, warblers, wrens, and juncos – saw one.

Duck kind, including geese and loons – saw one.

Fowl kind, including chickens, turkeys, pheasants, grouse, and ptarmigans – ate one.

Raptor kind, including hawks, falcons, and eagles – saw one.

Swallow and flycatcher kind – saw one.

Seagull kind, including gulls, terns, and albatrosses – saw one.

Wader kind, including herons, pelicans, cormorants, and plovers – saw one.

Woodpecker kind, including hummingbirds – saw one.

Owl kind – saw one.

Crow kind, including jays, magpies, blackbirds, cowbirds, and grackles – saw one.

Cuckoo kind, including orioles, mockingbirds, and creationists – spoke with one.

Thus, my life ticks include 11 of 11 kinds, if you count the chicken I ate. If there are any other kinds, they are still birds, and they do not live in the United States or Canada, so to hell with them.